Cook 'em Dan-O

Social Media: DVR Killer?

I remember (from my visits using The Wayback Machine) when certain hit shows like MASH and Friends had their final episode, and people would gather at someone's house to watch together.

Then along came the DVR—Digital Video Recorder, the collective noun version of TiVO—and forevermore we were "time shifting"… recording shows and watching them whenever we wanted, as opposed to when the networks wanted. Media people wrung their hands and worried that this was the end of television advertising, since viewers now had the opportunity to fast-forward past the commercials.

Fast forward to the world of social media. People at an event are "live-tweeting", meaning you're getting a stream of messages that are directly or indirectly telling you what's happening at the event. So for instance, you didn't have to be watching or listening to know how the Stanford-Oklahoma State football game was going… Cheer, groan, cheer, etc.

And if they're not tweeting, they're using Facebook. Or texting. Or using any of a number of other commenting and sharing services. What's happening here is that the community that at one time would have gathered in someone's house, or a bar, or at the event itself, is now gathering in a virtual way. We're all watching, and social media gives us a way of staying connected and sharing the experience.

And here's where the traditional media people should pay attention. The trick is, you can only connect and share as the event is happening. If you recorded the Stanford-Oklahoma State game for later viewing, all this sharing is going to ruin the ending. And if you want to connect and share, you have to do it live. Which means you have to watch the commercials.

So if the traditional media people are on their game, they'll be creating all kinds of opportunities to share their shows, games, tournaments and so on as events.

Fast-forward that.

Free at Last

Go to the Lincolm Memorial.
Walk to the top of the steps.
Turn around and look out across the reflecting pond.
Imagine seeing nothing but humanity, for as far as you can see.
Now imagine yourself as a young, black preacher about to make a speech that will change the world forever.

If that doesn't send chills up your spine, go to the ER and have them check to see if you're still alive.

When Bobby Kennedy was assasinated, I knew who he was, and what that meant.  No one had to tell me what that event was about.

When Dr. King was assasinated, I didn't know who he was.  All I knew was that Bennie Taylor, having heard that we would be getting the day off to pay respects to Dr. King, was running around the school yard shouting "free at last, free at last".

Over time I realized that those memories told me everything I needed to know about racial equality in America.

Goodbye to All That

Here is my annual listing of words, phrases, and ideas that have had their fifteen minutes of fame, and are now free to retire.

• Winning!
• Meme
• Fail
• Siri
• Stress Test
• Occupy _____
• Anything Kardashian
• Tiger Mom
• Tiger Blood
• Lockout
• 99%
• Gamification
• Onboarding
• Double Down
• Uber-anything
• Reach out

Bowl Mania

This just in from the We Couldn't Make This Up If We Tried department…

Remember when the Orange Bowl was called the Orange Bowl? And not the Tostito's Meineke Chick-fil-A GoDaddy.com Orange Bowl presented by Hardy's? Yeah, me neither. But just for fun, here's a listing of this season's bowl games, deconstructed. I've separated the bowl sponsor name from the bowl name (many no longer have a distinct name) and scrambled the order. So see if you can correctly match them up! Or just click the "I Don't Care" button and have another glass of champagne. Be careful, there are some ringers in each column!

Sponsor	Bowl Name
Auto Zone	Orange
Meineke Care Care	Sugar
Chic-fil-A	Bluebonnet
Hyundai	Sun
Allstate	Holiday
GoDaddy.com	Rose
Tostitos	Cotton
Capital One	Alamo
Progressive	Liberty
Outback	Fiesta
TicketCity	Gator
BBVA Compass	(blank)
Kraft Fight Hunger	Independence
Beef 'O' Brady	Humanitarian
New Mexico	Poinsettia
Champs Sports	Las Vegas
MAACO	Insight
Little Caesar's	Music City
AdvoCare V100	Armed Forces
Sheraton	Pinstripe
uDrove	Texas
Bell Helicopter	Military
New Era	New Orleans
Valero	Emerald
Franklin American Mortgage	St. Petersburg
Bridgepoint Education	Hawaii
R&L Carriers	BCS National Championship Game
Northrup Grumman	Student-Athlete

Welcome to Spirit Airlines, Brought to You By…

You've probably heard of Spirit Airlines. These are the people that want to charge you for bringing luggage onboard (in addition to the current practice of charging for luggage you check). I've written previously about why charging for bringing a bag on to the plane makes more sense than charging for a bag you check. But Spirit seems to have missed that point; they are apparently out to squeeze a few bucks out of their passengers any way they can, including a proposal to force passengers to watch 30-second spots while flying.

C'mon folks! You're missing the big picture here. I'm a big fan of looking to other industries for examples of how I can address challenges in my own field of battle. And in this case, the preeminent example of advertiser tie-in's is right in front of our collective face: televised sports. Think about it for thirty seconds and you'll come up with all sorts of examples: everything from "the Dutch Boy 'points in the paint'" in basketball, to baseball's "when it's time for a change, think Speedy Oil Change…" as part of announcing a pitching change. There's not a moment that occurs in a sporting event that hasn't been considered for some kind of sponsorship. I mean, when the legal disclaimer at the beginning of a sports broadcast "this broadcast is for the sole use…" is brought to you by some law firm, you know you've traveled down the tail of the frequency distribution on what can be offered to a sponsor.

So let's imagine a flight on Spirit Airlines, as crafted by the ad folks from NBA, MLB, and NFL…

Pre-Flight

Good morning passengers. My name is Mary. I'm your Head Flight Attendant. Welcome to Spirit Airlines Flight 885, bound for Orlando Florida. Today's flight is brought to you by Sea World. Shamu on down and check out the show!

The Captain Morgan captain for today's flight is Captain Everett, he's accompanied by First Officer Woodward. Cindy, Duane and I will be your cabin crew.

Now, would you please direct your attention to the monitors for a brief safety message, brought to you by Brinks Security. When you want to feel safe, get Brinks for your home!

This is your captain, from the flight deck. We're currently 5^th in line for takeoff on runway 29R. We'll be taking off to the North, then vectoring toward Indianapolis. From there we'll climb to 30,000 feet and head toward Roanoke, Virginia, then on down to Orlando. Weather in Orlando is brought to you by the Weather Channel: when disaster strikes, find out afterwards on the Weather Channel! I anticipate a smooth flight today, but it's always a good idea to keep your seat belt fastened when seated; that's what we do here in the cockpit. And when we're in the market for new belts, we go to Bernie's Belt Emporium, located off of East 55 just outside Akron. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight to Orlando.

Beverage Service

Ladies and gentleman, we'll be starting our Michelob Light beverage service in just a moment. We have tap water and weak coffee available with our compliments. Beer and wine are available for an extra charge, but you can avoid paying this charge by watching a series of video advertisements on your personal video monitor. Today's beverage service is brought to you by Gatorade and its "G" line of performance products.

Final Approach

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Everett. Please direct your attention to the monitors for our T-Mobile Friends and Family "final approach" message. We're about 100 miles out from Orlando now. The weather in Orlando is hot and muggy; puts me in the mood for a McDonald's latte! I'll be turning on the "fasten seat belts" sign in just a few minutes, so this would be a good time to take a stroll to the restroom. Remember, if you "like" Spirit Airlines on Facebook, there's no charge for admission!

Approaching the Gate

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Head Flight Attendant Mary. Please remain in your seats until the Captain has parked the plane at the gate and turned off the "fasten seat belts" sign. This will be your indication that it is safe to move about the cabin. Remember Volvo, when safety in movement is your priority! Have a wonderful day in Orlando, or wherever your final destination may be.

See, lots of possibilities!  So if you see any of these innovations on your next flight, remember--you read about it here first!

Product Managers on the Road—Vegas Edition

OK, so this is my first business trip in a while: headed to Las Vegas for Light Fair International, a big trade show for the lighting industry.

Operated By

Readers of some of my other travel posts will recall the confusion I had regarding United Airlines/Air Canada and travel to Toronto; it seemed like I always picked the wrong carrier and therefore the wrong terminal to check in. So as I try to check in with US Airways, I realize I've done it again. The flight is "operated by" United (technically, by SkyWest pretending to be United). That, and the constant change in what airlines are at what terminals as they renovate San Jose airport, means another trip to the curb to take the shuttle over to Terminal A.

Upgrade Me

OK, all ready to check in. I've decided I'm carrying my stuff on, and have ditched anything in a tube/bottle greater than three ounces. Since I'm now at United's "Unwashed Masses" frequent flyer level, I get to check in at the kiosk with everyone else. As part of my check-in process I'm offered the following upgrades (all for a nominal fee):

• More legroom
• Business class/first class (on a regional jet? Are you kidding me?)
• More miles

Then I wait while my tickets print out. One. At. A. Time. Very. Very. Sloooowly. Good thing I got here early!

And while we're talking upgrades, when I check in at Harrah's, I'm offered:

• A nicer room
• The all-day, multi-hotel, all-you-can-eat buffet pass. Isn't this why we're so obese in this country?

Harrah's Moments

She: OK sir, you're all set with your room. With the Senior Discount, the rate is…

Me: (thinking) can you keep it down a bit?

She: Will anyone be joining you in your room tonight?

Me: (jaw dropping momentarily; then pointing to the young ladies being trained for front desk work) Ah, ah, ah! Don't say it! I know what you're thinking!

On a separate note, did I mention that the carpet color scheme is exactly that same as in South Lake Tahoe? And BTW, did I miss the "welcome smokers" sign at the casino entrance?

Speak So Your Customer Can Understand

He: So how does your device communicate? Is it RF?

Me: Yes, we use ZigBee protocol, you know, 802.15.4…

He: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't understand all this wireless stuff!

Me: OK, no problem. It's like the Wi-Fi in your house, but lower-power.

He: OK, I get that. So what's the distance you can cover between two devices?

Me: About a hundred meters, point to point, but with mesh…

He: Meters? Yeah, everyone keeps talking about meters at this show. So if a meter is about a yard…

Me: (Thinking: how did you get out of Junior High?) That's right, so a hundred meters is like a hundred yards… you know, like the length of a football field.

He: Ah, OK, now I get it!

Notes from the Strip

• You know the people handing out cards for (ahem) escort services? Well now they have a uniform: some kind of day-glo T-shirt with a toll-free number listed. It's interesting that they don't actually talk to you, they just make a sound like the shuffling of a deck of cards and then thrust one in your direction. It was also interesting to note that they stood exactly on the line where the sidewalk ended and the hotel property began.
• Dear Jimmy Buffett: I appreciate your attempt to create the mood, but making Margaritaville more like Florida by spraying the fake coconut scent from Banana Boat sunscreen isn't really making it.
• Did you know the Las Vegas police have bicycles? With lights? Neither did the guy who ran the stoplight.
• So Cher is performing live, as well as via the "legends" stage show. Is it easy to tell the difference between live and made-up? Which would I prefer at this point?

This Just In from the Middle Seat

• Note to airport designers: making your terminal like a giant + sign might be great for airplanes, but it's not so good for passengers. If you have to go from one spoke to another, it's a long run.
• All that time riding shopping carts through store parking lots came in handy during my six-minute run to make my PHX-SJC connection.
• Note to guy in 4C: peppermint doesn't work to cover up the smell of too many Bud Lights; unless that's peppermint schnapps you're hitting in the bathroom. Thanks for bringing back memories of rock concerts with high school friends!
• To the passengers in 5A/B/C: your life stories do not get more interesting when told at higher decibel levels.

And Finally

Mineta San Jose International Airport, aka SJC: congratulations on growing up! You're hemmed in by two freeways (which made it interesting when some of the jumbo jets took off—they had to take off with less than full fuel, then land in Oakland and refuel before heading to Asia) so expansion is not really possible. But the new International terminal looks pretty cool, the parking garage art is nice, and thank goodness you've fixed the security setup. Yes, I get nostalgic for the days of showing up 20 minutes before the flight, parking in the lot across from the terminal, and running on the flight to LA… but I'll get over it. Until then, I'll appreciate being able to walk down the stairs onto the actual tarmac while I can.  And keep the Espressamente Illy cafe open!

So Long, Farewell, Aufiderzein, Adieu

Let's all hope these words and phrases from 2009 recede into our distant memory...

• Toxic assets
• TARP (when it's not something you buy at a hardware store) 
• Stress test (the financial kind)
• "Clinically proven" 
• Stay-cation 
• Too big to fail 
• Manny being Manny 
• Friend me 
• Fail 
• meh
• "Backdoor" as a verb
• Stimulus
• Death panels
• Loan modification
• Tiger (off the golf course)
• Surge
• Birthers
• Balloon Boy
• Jon and Kate
• Cash for Clunkers
• Windows Vista
• Octo-Mom
• The Governator and pretty much everyone in California state politics
• Beer summit
• "Talk with your doctor"
• Nuclear enrichment
• Pirates (other than the Pittsburgh and Johnny Depp varieties)
• Revenue enhancement
• Narco-terrorists
• Check scams
• Carbon offsets
• Ponzi scheme

And some words and phrases we hope to hear more in 2010:

• "You're hired!"
• Bipartisanship
• Organic
• Friends and Family (not the Verizon kind)
• Thank You
• You're Welcome
• "Next up on the tee..."
• Happy New Year!

Spammers: Idiots? or Just Rich Statisticians?

One of my fascinations (yes, I am a geek) is to look at the spam quarantine summary I receive every day from my MIT mail server.  (Off-topic:  they use Brightmail, now owned by Symantec, and their filters are very good.  I've never had a message trapped that was legitimate.)  I'm fascinated with the names people make up for "Sent From" and the subject lines.  You can scan through the headers and see patterns, so you know which groups of messages are all from the same spammer.

What finally sank in as I looked at today's batch:  spammers are idiots.  Or, they don't care if they're idiots because the my Law of Large Numbers ("any number times another large number is a large number", as opposed to the real Law of Large Numbers) works in their favor.

I'm not talking about the comical ways spammers try to tell you that they can improve the function of your penis.  That almost falls into the "cute puppy" category.  Nor am I talking about the messages claiming to come from "the Official Viagra site".

No, I'm talking about the messages offering me an online diploma.  See, they're sending it to my @alum.mit.edu mail account.  As in, "I'm an alumnus of MIT".  Thanks, I'll stick with the degree I have.

Any human could look at a message headed for @alum.mit.edu and think, "I bet this guy already has a degree.  May as well take him off our list".  And it can't be that hard to program a spam sending application to filter such domains out.

So c'mon spammers.  Spend a few bucks.  Hell, hire one of the CS grads you anointed to write the code.  Or just send me a photo of you lighting a cigar with a hundred dollar bill; I'll get the message.

and I did not approve this message

Remember those political campaign ads? How they had to end with "I'm Joe Cheeseball, and I approved this message"?  Well I've seen two commercials so far, that use the same (or nearly the same) clip of President Obama giving some kind of "stimulus" speech.  They then segue into a pitch for their service... in one case, credit card debt counseling (which you can get for free), and extended auto warranties (which are worthless) in the other.

I suppose video of a President's speech is considered in the public domain, so this is likely a legal use.  But it sure seems cheesy.  I guess this is the inevitable result of Billy Mays' passing.

Twitter Taxonomy

If you're on Twitter you know about "following" and "followers"-- people you follow and those who follow you.  I think it's time for a further refinement of the taxonomy.  There are also:

• "Prostwitutes".  These are the sexy young things (I'm sure that's their real picture) that "follow" you, whose tweets are along the lines of "just posted new pictures of me, check them out!".
• "Promotwits".  These are companies that "follow" you, who are promoting their new web site, software, or whatever.
• "Tweetspam".  These are "tweets" from people/companies offering the same things regular spammers sell: viagra, college degrees, acai berries and the like.  

Maybe you can add to the list!